05-12-19 AUDIO AVAILABLE SOON
‘Hello big boy. Looking for a friend or more.’ Slyly spoke the madame of the house to the man. He had just entered the establishment that locals know as a house of prostitution. ‘You’re new to our services, please walk around the rooms and check out our available hostesses. Every room offers different levels of services and pricing can be seen on the menu boards on the counters. When you see someone interesting to you just startup a conversation and she or he will do the rest.’
The man looked nervous but determined. He thanked the madame and began strolling. He saw the bondage room with black leather scantily attired women waiting patiently. There were rooms for other fetish’s but he noticed that were no customers and only the workers were present. Then he saw the large double doors and asked a worker where does that go. She replied, ‘that’s our most popular area. If you’re into that kind of stuff, we seem to be the best at it. It’s called the Esteem room.’ She seemed a little jealous. The man’s curiosity was peaked and he entered the double doors.
This was by far the largest area with many people scattered around the space in pairs. There were more doors on all the walls with labels of services. But this was very different. All the workers were dress normally and not sexy at all. Both men and women. Some were middle aged motherly or fatherly types, others were younger attractive wife or husband types, others were grandparents’ types. And the labels on the doors were very different. One said ‘Holding’, another stated ‘Grief’, others said ‘Confidence, Self Esteem and Spirituality’. The man no longer felt interest in sex. Somehow, he thought what he needed was here. He began experiencing familiar feelings of loneliness and sorrow that he has been suppressing for years.
It had been two years since his fiancée broke up with him and he acted like he was long over it. But in honest moments he knew he was still broken and was slow to heal. As he stood in the room, he began to feel emotionally overwhelmed and dizzy. One of the workers, an older woman, noticed his behavior and walked over and took him by the hand. She said, ‘let’s find a place to sit.’ She led him to a quite area and sat him in a chair. Then she pulled up a stool and sat behind him. This seemed strange to the man but he felt cooperative and followed her lead. The woman wrapped her arms around the man and put her face next to his and kissed him and said ‘just allow me in. Let yourself feel everything and simply let go. It’s okay to cry.’ As she spoke the word ‘cry’ the man began sobbing uncontrollably. She reassured him to take all the time he needed. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. The women held him tight and whenever he would begin to stop crying, she would speak in his ear, ‘you are wonderful man’, or ‘you are an innocent’, or ‘you are so lovable’. Then his sobbing would erupt again and he sobbed even more deeply.
The women patiently stayed holding him and wiped his face with a soft cloth. After about two hours the man was cried out and began talking to the women who was still behind him patiently massaging his head. He apologized for losing control but she immediately stopped him and said, ‘what you are doing is perfect. Somehow you instinctively know this is about release and you allowed it to happen. Don’t let your mind judge you. Often it takes many sessions to release enough to begin other work. Let your body, not your mind, give the direction. I love you. See you the next time.’ Then she stood up and left the room.
The man felt exhausted but wonderful. Two days later he returned and went straight thru the double doors. He could not keep his mind off of the amazing experience he had before. He thought he had enough release and was ready for the other work. Whatever that was. He saw the same women across the room and began walking to her. With each step he felt the sorrow and loneliness return in force. The women understood with one look and took him by the hand back to the private area and the man sobbed for hours. She reassured him to let it proceed at whatever pace necessary. His body will lead if he lets it. There were four more sobbing sessions before the man’s body was ready.
This time when the man walked in, he was approached by another man about his same age. The worker asked him to follow him. The man followed, but was not certain this was right for him. What could another man his age possibly show him. Again, he was asked to sat in a chair and male worker pulled up a stool behind him. The man warned ‘I am not gay, just so you should know.’ The worker responded ‘neither am I. I am heterosexual to the core.’ Then he put his hands on his shoulders and began softly speaking in the man ear, ‘I am not your competition. I am just another man child trying to understand and live a good life in this confusing world. We are really the same but this competitive world has made us strangers.’ The man knew he was right. He had almost no men friends. And those were acquaintances from work or friends of female friends. He never confided in another man on anything. He only showed fake confidence and success to other men. The man began feeling a deep sense of loneliness and sadness. The worker put his arms around the man and spoke, ‘we are brothers and we understand each other the most, because we are mostly the same. No more separation, please no more separation.’ With that the sobbing returned to the man. The sobbing was long and the worker stayed holding. When the man became calm. The worker told him stores of his personal early dysfunctions with his male friends. And then he talked about how they are now. The man was fascinated by the difference. He realized he had no image of a health man relationship. He had never experienced it and had no idea how it worked until now. He became so grateful. He liked this guy. He returned two more times to the male worker just to practice being friends with another man. They both confided in each other, sharing their fears of rejection and tastes in women and confusion over what women really want. And they laughed a lot. It started when they both admitted that they think they have small cocks. Or maybe women just have big pussies. They laughed and talked like men talk to each other. The man was so grateful and a little sad to move on.
The next time he came for a session it was a young attractive woman about his age that approached him. This unnerved him. She was so nice looking and approachable. But he felt himself become ridge inside. She took him by the hand and walked him to a private area and again sat behind him on a stool. He tried to act confident but it came out more distancing. She put her hands on his shoulders and asked, ‘are you in a love relationship currently.’ He said no and he told her about his fiancé and their break up. She asked if he thought they may get back together and he said ‘not after some of the horrible things I said to her’. She began talking about herself. ‘When I was young, I was taught to dream about the perfect husband and our perfect life with our perfect children. Mostly a prince and princess story. And I visualized this perfect man so clearly that I had no doubts. I just needed to find him. And my parent’s relationship was definitely not what I wanted because they struggled so hard just to make the family survive that I saw them as loveless. I was soaked in romantic thoughts. In reality any man I met was a huge compromise to my dream man. I was destined to be let down. When I looked at these men, I saw more what they were not, than what they really were. Even when I fell in love, I secretly thought there was probably better down the road.’
The man was absolutely astonished by her words. He felt a weight taken off his shoulders. It wasn’t just his shortcomings that ended his relationship. But he felt the loss and began crying. Then she wrapped her arms around him and repeated said, ‘I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really don’t know what to do.’ The man’s sobbing went deep. And as he started to calm, she said, ‘I know I am danger to you. I am sorry. I don’t know what to do’. And then his crying exploded. And he noticed the female worker crying too. The man spoke thru his tears, ‘I am becoming aware that I have deep beliefs that women were the ones in control. If I was lovable, they would love me, so I must not be lovable. I am obviously not confident enough or charming enough or successful enough. Women see thru my facade.’ The worker cleared her throat and spoke. ‘You give us way too much credit and power. We are just little girls who want to love and to be loved. And we have no answers. We have strong desires which make us impatient and quick to leave. Often, we are cowards that don’t know how to fight. But with a good man we can be become good partners. Please don’t give up on us.’ The man answered back, ‘what choice do I have I’m heterosexual.’ And they laughed.
The man couldn’t see the worker behind him so the warm understanding loving feelings he was having were directed to all women and he felt ready to move on and eager to start dating again. He stood up and thanked the worker and wished her love and happiness and left thru the double doors. About a week late the man returned thru the double doors and a worker walked over and asked how he may be helped. The man simply said ‘I’m here to apply for a job’. Peace