07-26-20 PUSH ARROW TO BEGIN AUDIO
Sonya, hangs up her phone. She felt exhausted by her conversation with her good friend, Bella. Bella spent nearly an hour venting to Sonya about her love life. Bella is lonely and aching for someone to love her. Over and over Bella longed for the benefits her idea of love would bring. As Sonya thought about Bella’s conversation, she begun listing in her mind Bella’s expectations of love. She heard Bella say she wants a person to be there always for her, a lover who knows how to tune her on and leave her satisfied, and a funny witty plaything to keep her entertained and many more.
The list was long and detailed, but Sonya noticed it was all about what love will bring to Bella. Not a word of Bella’s contribution to love. Then she thought of her other friends. Most of her friends were similar to Bella. Love was about satisfying needs and hungers that they have. Of course, they would say their partners will get their share of love back, but love going to a partner was seldom brought up. Sonya thought, ‘do they have a need to give love? If they do, the need to give seems much weaker than the need to receive.’
Sonya had a unique experience with her father that changed Sonya’s views on love. Her father was always the strong confident type that Sonya knew would do anything for her. Then he had a stroke at age 55, that left him bed ridden. Sonya’s mom had continued to work and Sonya took over the job of daily care for her father. After a couple of years, her father abruptly died. This freed Sonya from her care duties and her life returned to normal.
Sonya mourned her father’s death but something else remained after her mourning calmed. Sonya deeply missed caring for her father. This confused Sonya. Was she missing the habit of care-giving? Or just missing her father? Then one night as Sonya was falling to sleep in her bed, she had a profound thought.
What she was truly missing was the act of giving love to her father. That thought started her crying and she felt enlightened. She found she had a deep need to give love without expecting love in return. She recalled how satisfying and rewarding her caring for her father was for her. Yes, the job was often tiresome and demanding. However, she saturated her father with love and she felt whole. Giving love was wonderful. Sonya wanted to give more. Sonya began desiring a partner. A love relationship where she can release the flood gates of her love. In this way Sonya and Bella seemed the same from the outside. Both looking for love partners. Whom do you think has the better chance of success? Peace**