Jason Lawrence Bell
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07-31-20

07-31-20.                         AUDIO AVAILABLE SOON

Terry feels his heavy head turn on his pillow. It momentarily wakes him up. With his eyes tightly closed, his ears scanned the room. He is alerted by the sound of breathing. Slow soft inhales and exhales. Terry couldn’t make out if it was male or female. Terry whispers, ‘whose there. Debby is that you?’ Debby was his current lady friend. No answer. The breathing seemed to get louder. Then words could be heard. With each exhale and inhale Terry began distinguishing words within the air of breathing. ‘You are not evolving.’ Spoke the inhale. ‘You must evolve.’ Finished the exhale. Terry became focused on the breathing. ‘Did he really hear words?’ Terry thought. ‘You heard the word’, it inhaled, ‘now heed the deed,’ it exhaled.

Terry’s mind is confused. He decides to test the breath. ‘am I imagining you?’ Inhale, ‘give your mind a break’, exhale, ‘it can’t detect real or fake’. Then it repeated, inhale, ‘you are not evolving,’ exhale, ‘you must evolve.’ Terry frustratingly thought, ‘evolve, what the hell is evolve? Inhale, ‘expand what you can.’ Exhale, ‘the third eye, you can rely.’ The breath continued, inhale, ‘see where sight is blind,’ exhale, ‘accept when paths denied.’

Terry’s mind could not figure out what was happening. He heard the words, but it was double-talk and made no sense. Then the breath continued, inhale, ‘you grew from a sperm, to a man,’ exhale, ‘your fear has built a dam.’ Inhale, ‘you’ve closed the door,’ exhale, ‘you grow no more.’ Terry’s mind blurted out, ‘More double talk. Am I not fat enough or tall enough? I like my size. Say something I understand.’

The breath patiently spoke, inhale, ‘there was a time, you will recall,’ exhale, ‘there was grace, you chose appall.’ At that moment Terry’s awareness flashed back to his family home. It was an evening that Terry easily remembers. His freaky sister had decided to tell the family she was gay that night. She stood there with her lesbian lover proclaiming her sexually to her family. Terry recalls everyone being quiet and kind of shocked. But Terry had plenty to say. In the flashback he watches himself as he vents on his sister and her partner. He is screaming that now he has a pervert for a sister. She must be processed by the devil. That she brings shame on the family. Terry’s sister is crying and begging for understanding, but Terry gave no mercy and rest of the family stayed quiet. Terry won’t stop screaming until his sister and partner rushed out the front door. The scene was so vivid in Terry’s mind.

Terry was feeling a little sick. He knew he grossly over-reacted. And he hasn’t spoken to his sister since. The breath returns, inhale, ‘your mind is closed and wisdoms dry,’ exhale, ‘see the clarity thru your third eye.’ With the last word Terry again found himself back at his family home. Again, the family is there and his sister and her friend are just walking in. Terry feels different inside. His mind feels calm which he immediately realizes because his mind is usually loud and busy chattering. His eyes also feel calm and focused. He sees everything. His sister is very nervous as is her friend. Terry knows a lot about his sister. She has a bleeding heart for the needy. She loved animals and her family. She’s the one who remembers birthdays and gives cool gifts. Terry felt rushes of love for her. She really was the better person. Terry felt inferior to her. She was kinder, smarter and more lovable than Terry. He felt deep feelings of jealousy, but his love for her overwhelmed the jealousy and pushed it down. And that friend of hers. He knew that were more than friends. Now his sister has a love and Terry stays alone. Again, his jealous feelings arouse, but again his love dissolved them.

Now Terry is watching his sister nervously start to reveal her secret to the family. This time Terry’s mind is relaxed and watches his sister struggle. He sees her fear and bravery and is touched. As she speaks Terry finds himself slowly walking around the room and grabbing a bottle from the table. As his sister finishes and waits for a response, Terry is now standing directly behind her and her partner.

Thru the silence in the room Terry speaks, ‘my sweet sister has come out of the closet and found love. Now that’s worth celebrating.’ Terry placed his arms around both ladies and proposes a toast. ‘Glasses please.’ Everyone goes to the table to get their glass as Terry walks around filling each glass. Then Terry speaks, ‘thank you my sweet sister for the trust and bravery you showed us tonight. I am older than you, but you have often been the first at life’s experiences. As I have watched you thru our lives, I have learned how a good person would act. You are a very good kind person. Much better than me. But I have been watching and you are my model. Congratulations to you both.’ As Terry tears up, he finishes his toast and the family follows. Everyone begins happily laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

Now Terry is back in his bed, startled by what he just experienced. The difference was huge. The difference was him. His mind softly begs, ‘I want that. How do I get that?’ Inhale, ‘now you know the direction,’ exhale, ‘practice makes perfection.’ Inhale, ‘it’s yours to hold and bless,’ exhale, ‘higher consciousness.’

With that the breathing stopped. Terry could feel he was alone. Whoever, or whatever that was has left. Terry opened his eyes. He carefully scanned the room. Everything’s normal, nothing out of place. He thought ‘was that a dream, or something else? It was so vivid and clear. He decided he didn’t care if it was real or not. He reached for his iPad and found the search engine and typed in, Higher Consciousness. Peace